Now you’re in the blue
“Now that you’re surrounded by blue, I have no clue where to find you.”
Santi and Monia had met on one of those summer afternoons when the pounding of the tide, paced by the impact against the rocks, acted as the soundtrack during the last chance for diving at sunset. Indifferent to each other, both of them were with their companies, both of them surrounded by different laughters.
«You looked at me, and you were still so distant from my sight that I couldn’t distinguish those facial features that would become the cradle of my fingers.»
You were mad at whomever had bothered you by splashing your oh-so-clear eyes with water; I heard you, I half-turned and in that very moment – perhaps just by chance – you opened your eyes, focusing on me.
That kind of contact, so persisting and so prolonged, upset me and so I turned to Sara, who had noticed my temporary distraction.
When both bathing and sunlight came to an end, there was only the heat coming from the sand to dry up the bodies of those who had so lively screamed against the sea while enjoying its reflections.
Suddenly, silence took over, in that very moment when nature bends and lies down as the tide comes up, and so we found ourselves alone, shivering in our wet swimsuits.
You came closer.
«Hi.» I said. «Your friends practically blinded you! Your eyes are still so red!»
Then I giggled.
So did you.
«Well, now I know it was worth it at least.»
You’ve always been a bit of a narcissist and uncaring when you felt exposed, naked before your pride; but, yes, you were determined and you took a decision for me too.
We exchanged just a few words, in my opinion just as many as needed, and I couldn’t say anything else than: «It’s time I went back home.»
Why didn’t I kiss you in that moment? It’s so clear now that I only yearned for your kisses back then.
«Yes, you’re right… We’re lighting Sant’Antonio’s fireworks on Saturday, I hope to see you there.»
I had already gone away.
The following days were full of far-off glances, silences, shivers at nightfall, half sentences, but you sat a little bit closer with each passing sunset… Ah! Silly me, why didn’t I bring you here immediately, to this corner where the sea changes into oxygen, where its blue washes the rocks and the skin turns into dried salt,; here, where I wanted to brush my lips against yours, and stay in your eyes, in our place.
In the evening before the fireworks you told me: «Don’t stop looking at me, even when you leave, please give your eyes to mine, it’s so beautiful to stay immersed in you.»
I kissed you, I didn’t make it special, it was you who made it unique, those weren’t my places, they were yours and I still come back here to smell the air. After that kiss I ran away and apoligised, I didn’twant to… Oh, stupid … of course I did, but I left, sure that nothing could happen between me and you.
«We won’t meet again, I fooled you, sorry, I’m a mess.»
You tried to chase after me and I was weeping already, I managed to disengage myself from your hold and you let me go, how genuine you are.
The following night I went out to see the fireworks, I hoped to spot you there among the darkness and the flashes, I prayed not to find you with some other girl, I desired to kiss you, tell you I needed you, tell you your facial features were the rocks that give the sea its best colour, that you would become all the blue of my life.
«Sara, have you seen Santi?» She hesitated…
«He took the ferry in the morning, Monia; his mother is ill.»
I sent you thousands of letters: Marco, your friend, gave me your address, but I never got a reply from you. Maybe you hate me, maybe you still think of me.
I love you and I am saying it out loud right now in this place, pretending I have already led you here, hoping to feel your touch. I’ll never talk about love with no one anyone else, I go towards the waves where we were born and where we head back to be alone.
With a single kiss.