I need you so much closer
The bitter cold encourages Ania to bury her face into her enveloping blue scarf, but she refuses, fearless. She wants to feel the autumnal breeze stinging her skin. She pushes stronger her earphones against her ears; it happens every time the song starts: notes penetrate in her head, filling up her ears, eyes and cells. She is lost. It seems that time after time, suddenly, she can regenerate, but it is always the same. She’s always the same collector of useless thoughts that in the end she loses along the street, in the crash with her life, with people and with the columns. Especially the latter, and he knows it: when picked up her sheets of paper and her pads popped out of the bag he could observe the chromatic metamorphosis on her face, from the soft peach color to the bright red of the raspberries. Ania took a while to say her name, but for him the corners of her mouth were enough to discover all he wants to know.
Milan was chaotic, distracted, it does not pay attention to them; everyone could do anything he wanted and nothing was really important, but Ahmed said that for him was different, he felt constantly judged.
Even though there were many years and miles that divided him from the war in his country, he felt the war on him.
He felt it burning on his skin, on the exotic inflection, afraid to broke the forced silence. He misses so much his family and his friends, but he never told anyone. For the first time Ania was able to identify herself in his eyes, in that inadequate feeling hat she always had. Unlike Ahmed, she – who came through a custody to another – never felt part of a real family.
That lack, through time, had penetrated in her bone as cold air, had penetrated in the years, enough to make her defenseless, prisoner of her own uncertainty. Enough to make her unavailable to anyone who would only want to touch her lightly. But, with Ahmed, on that bench in front of the lake, they kissed a lot.
The hugs had ruffled their profiles, attaching to them new shapes, new identities.
In the following months, the lake became their timekeeper. Every time, Ahmed looked up into the sky in search of big clouds that he could surround with fingers, so that he could find the shape of his country and his family, painting them- at least on those big and white flocks- calm and free from any conflict. Ania watched him silently, she could never fully understand the pain of that lacks, but she knew the feeling of loss. As time passed their nightmares come out, they discovered how the meaning of “diversity” suddenly could be destroyed at the first touch.
It was enough the desire of touch him, feeling the cold sensation on the hands, fit together with him, to discover that every unknown part led to some street through themselves. Just like today the opaque colors of the sky are mixed with the color of the water, also Ania and Ahmed end up burning and consuming themselves, until they become at one with the peace.
In the few hour when they were divided, they loved always to dedicate that song to each other. Today they are divided by an ocean and that words resound obsessively in the head of Ania. So, every time, she comes back here and she entrusts the only and constant desire of her time, a silent shout that could go beyond that mountains and arrive to him: I need you so much closer.